Fat Bottomed Girls

A Fat Positive site, focusing on women who are fat and not ashamed of it.

Friday, December 31, 2004

(This will be posted at fatbottomedgirls also)

Within the past couple of weeks I have received more emails than normal from teenage girls who have wandered across FatBottomedGirls. For those of you who don't know, FBG is my fat positive, size acceptance blog that has been very neglected as of late.

Now, these letters have mainly been very sad. Girls who are picked on and depressed solely because they are fat. Oh, how I wish I could go smack some of those other teenagers around who are doing the name calling.

Being a teenager sucks, it is a hard time in the life of everyone, but especially if you are fat. Kids are cruel, they find one thing to pick on and won't let it go. If you're fat that thing is right there in front of their faces and they have to taunt you. I can remember in middle school (5,6,7 grade) when I was just becoming fat following puberty. The jokes, the taunts, the teasing.

At 12 years old I went on a severe diet. In fact, I dieted to the point I ended up hospitalized, starving to death, with a viral infection, and still fat. I hated my body, wishing every minute, of every hour, of every day to loose weight. I exercised to extremes, I ate very little and I was still fat.

And they taunted me for this. During the summer I would get away from the taunts and teasing, bandage the wounds and start to heal. As soon as school started again the would rip the bandage off, opening the wounds anew, and leaving horrendous scars upon my soul. The last few weeks of summer vacation were horrible. My head hurt constantly, I was sick to my stomach and just miserable.

I would will the hours to slow down to stop the start of the school year. The nightmares were horrifying, I would be sitting in a room in a miniskirt and tanktop surrounded by all the worst tormenters calling names and throwing things at me.

The worst part of this is that I loved to learn, I still do. The main reason I did so poorly in school was that I missed as much time as possible to avoid the cruelty. I always did wonderfully on my tests and exams; I knew the material. It was the in class stuff that screwed me up as I didn't want to be there. (not to mention the boredom as I was far above a lot of what was taught, but that's another story.)

This went on for several years until I woke up one morning and said "fuck them." If the other kids wanted to pick on me, fuck them. I had just as much a right to an education as them. I wasn't hideous, I just didn't fit their ideals as some tall, thin beautiful creature.

I quit missing school. Every morning I did my hair, fixed my makeup and dressed to suit myself. If anyone said something cruel to me I ignored them. I still exercised as I enjoyed it. I no longer starved myself (which I found out later, the starvation could have helped me to gain more weight.) I became who I wanted to be.

I graduated, a year late, after having quit school for a year. Now 10 years later I realize how sad those kids were. They took their own insecurities and tried to point out my faults to hide thier own. We all had our own issues. Worries over the pimple on our chin, our grades, our families, our bodies.

Only most of the kids didn't have the outwards sign of it to show everyone. They weren't fat like me. Fat sticks out, you can't hide it under some pimple cream. Everyone knows if you are fat.

And teenagers seem to think being fat is a fate worst than death. How, I wish I could go back to the 16 year old Suzy and tell her how her tormenters lives would turn out ten years after high school. The ones who were the worst to me and others are the ones who are miserable now. They got out of high school thinking they were the kings of the world and the world smacked them in the face.

It took me years to accept my body and learn to love it. Yes, I'm fat. I have been for years. My body is mine though. You only get one in this world and there are only two people on this planet who are affected by my body: my husband and me. He seems to like my body very much and I've grown accustomed to it. Fuck anyone who has a problem with it, they aren't worth my time.