Fat Bottomed Girls

A Fat Positive site, focusing on women who are fat and not ashamed of it.

Monday, May 05, 2003

Just a note before the real entry. Baby powder and keyboards? Not a good combination. My niece decided my keyboard needed powder and now the damn thing is driving me insane.

Okay, now to the real stuff.

Ever since I started to become fat, I've heard "Fat girls/women/teenagers shouldn't wear things like that. Fat women should dress in dark, sedate colors. Fat women should not wear bright colors. Fat women should cover their skin."

I hate those words. I do. For years I wore black, nothing but black. Do you know how boring that is? I would look at the bright red shirts and dresses and sigh. I would see a bold patterned dress and walk away from it.

I was too fat to wear those clothes. Even when I was just a small plus size, I stayed with the black, the blah.

Until a few years ago. I realized that no matter the color I wore, I was fat. Wearing all black might make me look 5 pounds thinner. Woopty do! A whopping five pounds of my massive frame.

I was following the lock step society mode. When I was a young teenager I didn't. I dressed in my own weird way and people had no choice but to deal with it. But as my weight grew I lost my confidence.

Until my Senior year of high school. In looking for a formal dress (which is another story entirely) I couldn't find anything at all that I like in a sedate color. I gave up and give in to my desires.

A bright red dress became mine. I wore it proudly. The compliments I got were astouding. They were the first compliments I had on my clothing in years. Here I was, 18, fat, in bright red and had people telling me how beautiful I looked.

I was floored. Shocked, amazed. And out of the all black box. At first I stuck with just black and red (okay, those two colors are a mainstay in my wardrobe still, but there are a lot more colors now.)

I have lime green shirts, red capri pants. A dress with flames on the skirt. T-shirts with actual designs on them. Silly stuff, wild stuff. Stuff that is much more me, than any of those drab fat girl clothes I stuck with.

I'll show skin now. Cleavage, some leg, hell, I even own a bathing suit. I'm not ashamed of my body anymore. It's mine, it's big, but damnit, I only get one of them, I'm going to enjoy it.

I'll wear leopard print (which I adore.) I'll buy that wild fabric and make dresses out of it. I dress to suit the person on the inside. Last week it was solidified for me even more, when my husband told me "One of the reasons I love you is that you'll wear the silly dresses, that others won't and not worry about what other people think."

That right there made me proud. Yes, some of my dresses, no one else would wear. I don't know many people who would wear a dress with a black top and a skirt made out of fabric printed with small orange/white/yellow candy corn. I will. I love Halloween, it's the one holiday I have special clothes for, I will wear it.

And the flame dress I mentioned? it's another black top, but with a skirt of bright red, with orange and yellow flames. It's one of my very favorite articles of clothing.

It's me, in all my fat self. I just wish more fat women would dress how they truly wanted to. Not all fat women want to wear clothing that covers every inch of flesh, I know that. You know that.

I know many women, hell, a lot of thin women, who refuse to wear shorts. Their legs are "too fat." Says who? Why the hell suffer in the heat of summer in long pants, solely because of what others think?

I live in VA, the summers are hot, humid and fucking brutal at times. I will wear shorts, you don't like my fat, don't look.

I'm tired of hiding, and I won't do it anymore.